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Definitions to brighten up your day

Wed, 25 Mar 2015 11:02:00 GMT

Defenderism – A school of thought usually associated with right wing views and opposed to roads and change.

Evoquation – A Driving holiday usually from city to city using only motorways.

Free Lander – A campaign slogan started in the late 1990s for the release of an endangered species back into the plains of Africa. Sadly the experiment failed and the species is now extinct.

Discoveries – The collective term for off-road drivers who choose comfort over authenticity.

Disco Sport – A game devised by women in night clubs who bet on picking out the most ridiculous male dancers. The Bee Gees and John Travolta have a lot to answer for. Men are so vain that often they believe that the squeals of delight are for their dance prowess rather than that they have just won the night’s jackpot for one lucky lady.

Rangers – People who live in Chelsea or Mayfair who wish they lived on a grouse moor or in a safari camp in Africa (some Rangers actually do live in Africa). They especially enjoy roving to and fro on the school run or to Gloucestershire at weekends. There is no discernible difference between the male or female as both have loud voices and wear pink trousers.

Sporty Rangers – These are even more adventurous (see definition of Rangers) City dwellers who half a dozen times per year travel to Twickenham and Cardiff for the Rugby. (They do not go to Scotland, France or Italy as the M4 does not serve these destinations). Generally they do not understand Rugby but in their world image is everything.

Stick your head in the sand.

Mon, 19 Nov 2012 11:30:00 GMT

Well, not physically, but next time you are around the coast and get a chance to see any Sand Sculpture exhibition I highly recommend it. On a whim and avoiding traffic and motorways on our way back from the Great Dorset Steam Fair we decided to have an ice cream on the beach.

Now for all overseas readers this is a very British thing to do regardless of the weather. So we headed for Weston-super-Mare. It has good sandy beaches, great sunsets, fish and chips, ice creams and even donkeys on the beach. Everything a Brit could wish for including a beautiful wide promenade and pier.

In brilliant sunshine and with a cooling breeze I began to think life could not get any better. I was wrong. A section of the beach was shuttered and looked very private but it proclaimed that inside was an exhibition of Sand Sculpture. Now never having seen such a thing and with only a modest entry fee required 'She Who Must Not Be Named' and I ventured in.

We were astonished at what a group of artists had achieved. This was an exhibition high on the must see list. The artists were both visionaries and very skilled sculptors. The scale of detail and the shear size of some of the pieces would astound anyone. The other aspect of this that resounded was the fact that each item would by now have returned to beach.

Whereever there is beauty, tragedy is never far behind and although locked at night vandals had climed over the shuttering and defaced one or two of the sculptures shortly after the opening. This did not detract from our enjoyment because there were so many items to see.

If they mount a similar exhibition at a seaside near you or at Weston-super-Mare next year make the effort to see it. You will not be disappointed. My ice cream was twice the price of admission but it completed a perfect day.

Your Group Needs You.

Sat, 14 Jul 2012 17:25:00 GMT

I have broken with tradition and duplicated a Facebook entry in our blog. The reason is the importance of the subject. Increasingly all over the UK groups like the one below are helping all our communities and mostly we are blissfully unaware of their work. All are volunteers and they turn out at any time of day or night.

This picture shows two vehicles from Gloucestershire and Worcestershire 4x4 Response. Increasingly volunteer groups like these are being used more and more to support local authorities for emergencies where the Blue Light services need specialist support and especially during the increasing bouts of severe weather we are enjoying.

I admire their dedication and work as they have to finance everything themselves through fund raising events and be prepared to help at a moment's notice. With floods and snow becoming a regular feature of our calendar their support roles are vital and in some cases life saving.

It is easy to imagine helping with searches or food and water delivery but what is often forgotten is getting the emergency services staff to work. When we can’t get to work because of snow the police, fire and medical teams often suffer the same predicament. This is where these groups excel.

G & W 4x4 Respone are well trained and equipped with just the right vehicles to step in and keep things running. I have the greatest respect for this group and recommend you visit their website www.gloucestershire4x4response.co.uk I am sure they are always looking for more recruits or help with fund raising.

Just remember that, with more and more cutbacks throughout Local Government and the Emergency Services and the reduction in 4x4 vehicles they run, volunteer groups like this are playing a major role around the country. They need your support!

What's your occupation?

Mon, 22 Aug 2011 06:16:00 GMT

I had to fill in a form recently and paused at Occupation; it set me thinking. Our mate Steve is a Male Model. Well, I can hear the sniggers now. The question is how does he put up with the sniggers or does he just say he works in media? I must ask him next time we meet. I can’t imagine putting 'Occupation – Male Model' on all official forms. He gave some builders at our office something to talk about when we had a recent photo shoot. One builder nudged the other and whispered 'II’ve seen him on the telly in an ear wax advert'.

The truth is he is a good northern lad, salt of the earth and, as we can vouch, a great travel and dinner companion. His family are very proud of his appearances on various TV advertisements and even a cameo role in Coronation Street. His work takes him all over the world and as an expert motorcycle rider he has had the enviable job of working with Harley Davidson on many occasions. Who would not want to ride V Rods, Roadsters and Fat Boys and get paid for it?

Steve has been in the business a long time and is a real professional. His life is early starts and long days with a lot of down time between shots. It is not easy but his range of impressions such as Darth Vader, Obi-Wan Kenobi and the obligatory James Bond keep everyone on set with a smile on their face. Steve has worked for many great fashion names as well as 1948 Original Equipment. He is a good friend of our photographer Neil Emmerson and together they make a great team. You can see Steve in pictures within our Gallery section.

Listen and Learn - your life may depend on it!

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 13:13:00 GMT

Up at 5.00 am and we steered the Hummer down the drive from the log cabin. We had a fair drive to get to our destination in the Rocky Mountains. The Hummer was a complete indulgence as I had never driven one before and since the gas crisis the Rental Booth at Denver Airport had them on special offer as no Americans were prepared to pay $48 to fill them up! It felt massive when we first climbed in but we soon realised the roads were big too.

We love (loved) white water rafting. Previous trips had been great, very enjoyable and without incident. After a very long early morning briefing we were all kitted out with helmets, life vests and all told to leave car keys and anything electrical like phones and cameras back on the bus. We wound our way up a long, long mountain trail and got to chat to our guides.

There were three rafts and they split us up by size, strength and family groups keeping the children in-board so they did not need to paddle. Our first clue should have been our guide. She was tall, blonde, very athletic in build and in modern parlance 'fit'. I felt quite comfortable being told to sit at the back next to her position from where she steered the raft.

The other two guides, one male & one female had a slightly different air. They seemed to carry a lot more kit - rather like a Swat Team: - knives, rope, first aid packs & lights all strapped to legs, arms and about their torso. They also had a bit more Clint Eastwood about them rather than our Prom Queen guide. With hindsight, it is all to easy to see now.

We soon found out that this was white water rafting like we had never experienced. After 30 minutes, it dawned on me that the trip was two and a half to three hours and we were already puffing from exhaustion. We got warned about each stretch of river with names like Guide Hole, Cardiac Corner or Rocky Falls. One thing was very clear - that we were committed and it was essential we followed the guide’s instruction to the letter, so we heaved and paddled our craft to set it up for each massive plunge into oblivion.

The first two boats disappeared into a mass of foam and out of sight and it was our turn. We struck out paddles in unison and the world ended. In a split second we were underwater - flung from the boat, bubbles, arms, legs, boulders. Then just as quickly like corks we shot up to the surface gulped air and headed at break neck speed down river - all eight of us spread out across a wide stretch of river.

At this point we were scared - Valerie cannot swim and I could hear her calling for help. What was it they said in the briefing?…. swim or not swim?... go down river feet-first or head-first?... Your instinct for survival tends to take over but it seemed about 500 yards before I could get to shore completely exhausted. Just as I got to the bank, Valerie went crashing past me shouting Andreeeeeeeew. I felt helpless.

Fortunately, the two Clint Eastwood types knew their stuff and carried the kit. This was the reason they went first to collect the flotsam and jetsam. They were quick, ruthlessly efficient and we were soon all back in our boat. My guide was more concerned about me touching poison ivy on the bank rather than my 'near death' experience.

Now here is a funny thing they do not tell you. We were soaked, traumatised and completely exhausted but with about 90 minutes still to go through all the ravines and falls of the Rockies to our pick-up point, we had to get back in the saddle and paddle our way out. When we lost a crew member on the next rapid and he shot under the boat we realised this was getting a bit serious!Again the Clints were ready....

Back at base it dawned on us. We had the rookie guide on vacation from college, not a lifer on the Poudre River. We also learnt that we should have paid far more attention at the briefing - some sports need respect! The speed and power of water is frightening even in shallow streams. They later told us that in parts the river may only be 24 inches deep, but you cannot stand in it against the force of the water.

I can recommend:-

• Always go with the meanest guide carrying the most kit.

• Never wear cotton underpants or shorts (when wet they stay wet!).

• Listen to the safety briefing.

• Make sure you buy the iconic rafting t-shirt with the slogan 'I enjoyed a good dump'.

That afternoon we swore we would never go whitewater rafting again. Now memories fade and legends are born and we may just go looking for 'The Good, The Bad and The Ugly' later this year.